So Mom just called. My 20yo brother is high-functioning autistic, and while his intelligence and behaviour is relatively normal, he still can’t be left home unattended. While my parents are out of town tomorrow, I’m going to have him stay at my apartment for a day and a half.
She called to ask it…
Best big sister ever.
I just shove my foot in my little brother’s mouth when I want him to shut up. I call it “foot in mouth disease.” He’d probably prefer the be-toweled bathroom.
Ohhh guuurrrrl I like the way you be moving. I like the way you be lookin. Why not come on over my house and we can play a little hide and go seek. Maybe a little simon says. I be simon. You be sayin. If you pickin up what I'm puttin down. Mmmmgurl.
Oooo, sweet thang, you KNOW I be pickin’ up all you be puttin’ down.
But seriously, I don’t appreciate all the venereal diseases you be puttin’ down. Maybe we could lay off on those for a while.
So there’s this super smokin’ librarian lad at my local library, and I always go to him to “get checked out” (yeah, I said it), and I always want him to be impressed by my literature choices.
I deliberately refused to let him scan my DVD choices a few days ago which included “Get Him to the Greek” as I thought it that it may reflect poorly on my movie preferences, but my accursed family kept the DVD late and so I HAD TO PAY A FINE ON THAT DAMN DVD TODAY AND HE SAW IT. HE SAW MY SHAME.
I desperately wanted to explain that I didn’t even like the movie, but ended up just muttering some sloppy syllables about how my family used my card to get DVDs and then proceeded to check out “Shrek 4” for my little sisters.
Rest assured that I will be back to clear my name by borrowing some Super Literature ASAP.
… What he did was hand the clerk a note that said: “This is a bank robbery, please only give me one dollar.” Then, as he later told the local NBC news station, he calmly sat in the corner of the bank having told the clerk: “I’ll be sitting right over there in the chair waiting for the police.”
Before his peculiarly modest robbery, Verone, 59, sent a letter to the Gaston Gazette. “When you receive this a bank robbery will have been committed by me for one dollar. I am of sound mind but not so much sound body.”